Navigating Grief and Loss: Insights from an LCSW’s Journey

Grief is one of the most universal yet deeply personal experiences we face. As a licensed clinical social worker, I’ve spent years working with clients navigating the complex landscape of grief. In my journey, I’ve come to understand navigating grief and loss not only from a professional perspective but also through personal loss. It’s a path that shifts and changes as we move through it, reshaping who we are and how we see the world.

The Stages of Grief (and Why They’re Not Always Linear)

Grief often begins with a specific loss—a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a life stage. But the experience can be much more than sadness or a longing for the person or situation we’ve lost. It impacts every part of us: our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and even our physical well-being. Understanding the multifaceted nature of grief has allowed me to provide more empathetic support to those I work with.

One framework that I’ve found helpful, both personally and professionally, is Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. While these stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are not linear or prescriptive, they give us a language for emotions that can otherwise feel overwhelming or confusing. Many clients have shared how identifying these stages has given them a greater sense of clarity and acceptance, knowing that what they’re experiencing is a natural, although painful, part of the process.

Recognizing these stages can help us make sense of the emotions and reactions we may encounter along the way:

Denial

Denial can feel like a numbness or disbelief, a defense mechanism that helps us cope with the initial shock of loss. In my practice, I see clients who are almost “going through the motions,” still unable to accept the full reality of what’s happened. During this stage, I encourage clients to be gentle with themselves, knowing that it’s okay if acceptance doesn’t come right away.
Anger

Anger can feel isolating, even surprising, as clients sometimes question why they feel frustrated or resentful. This is where I work closely to help them recognize that anger is a valid part of grief. It’s a form of energy that seeks an outlet.
Bargaining

Bargaining, similarly, involves questioning and "what if" thinking. Together, these stages are often an attempt to regain control, to rewrite the narrative in some way, hoping to find a way out of the pain.
Depression

Depression can be one of the longest stages and, in my experience, the most misunderstood. Many people struggle with the idea that feeling sad or withdrawn is a sign of weakness, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Depression in grief is not clinical depression; it’s a response to loss, a heavy period where the full weight of what has been lost begins to settle.
Acceptance

Acceptance is not about “getting over” the loss; it’s about learning to live with it. As clients reach acceptance, they often find ways to honor their loss while moving forward. For me, this stage is particularly powerful. It is where we see resilience, where we begin to witness clients integrating their grief into their lives.

Grief expert Dr. David Kessler, who worked with Kübler-Ross, later added a sixth stage: Finding meaning. This final stage encourages us to remember our loved one, honor their memory, and find a purpose that helps us keep going.

Myths About Grief: Letting Go vs. Moving Forward

Healing from grief is not a destination but a journey. Some days will be harder than others, and emotions may resurface unexpectedly. Over the years, I’ve seen clients grow tremendously through grief, even discovering strengths they didn’t know they had. They find ways to incorporate memories of their loved ones or the meaning of their loss into their lives, creating a narrative that respects the past while opening to the future.

It’s common to hear well-intentioned advice like, “Move on,” or “Let it go.” But grief isn’t about forgetting; it’s about learning to live with the loss in a way that allows us to honor our feelings and still live a fulfilling life. Research published by the National Institutes of Health emphasizes that “moving on” isn’t an obligation but a gradual journey of acceptance.

Tips for Coping When Grief Feels Overwhelming

Express Yourself

Talking about our feelings can bring immense relief, but writing them down can also be therapeutic. Journaling lets us process our emotions at our own pace, especially on days when talking feels too difficult.
Seek Connection

Isolation may seem comforting when we're in pain, but studies show that social support significantly aids in grief recovery. According to the American Psychological Association, people with strong support systems report healthier grief outcomes. Try connecting with family, friends, or even online support groups to share your journey and find comfort
Embrace Self-Compassion

Grief can bring up guilt or regret. “If only I’d been there more,” or “I should have done more,” are thoughts many people face. Studies on self-compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff at the University of Texas at Austin demonstrate that practicing kindness towards ourselves can prevent prolonged grief and depression . Give yourself grace, and remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means learning to live again.
Consider Professional Help

Therapy can be transformative in navigating grief, especially when it feels like life has stopped moving forward. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a common form of talk therapy, helps reframe negative thoughts and develop coping strategies . Therapists who specialize in grief provide a safe space to discuss pain, anger, and any lingering questions.
Find Ways to Honor Your Loved One

Create a personal ritual that keeps your loved one’s memory alive. This could be as simple as lighting a candle, writing letters to them, or volunteering in their honor. Such acts can bring peace and meaning, helping us feel connected to them in a new way.

When to Seek Help for Complicated Grief

Some people may experience “complicated grief,” which differs from typical mourning and can be disabling. Signs include intense longing, intrusive thoughts, and difficulty engaging in daily life long after the loss. According to the American Psychiatry Association, complicated grief may require specialized treatment . If grief has completely overtaken your ability to function, reaching out to a professional is an essential step.

Finding Hope and Meaning

As Dr. Kessler shared in his book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, the final phase of grieving is about making peace with our loss and finding purpose again. This doesn’t mean replacing the person we’ve lost or moving on without them. Instead, it means carrying their love with us as we continue living.

Support can make all the difference in the grieving process. I encourage anyone going through grief to seek out a community, whether friends, family, or a therapist, who can offer understanding without judgment. In my practice, I provide a safe space where clients can process these complex emotions at their own pace, in their own way.

Grief is a profoundly personal journey, yet we don’t have to walk it alone. If you’re experiencing loss, remember that healing is possible, and you are not alone.

References:

American Psychiatry Association (APA). (2021). What is Complicated Grief?

American Psychological Association. (2021). Grief and Loss.

Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond. Guilford Press.

Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.

National Institutes of Health (NIH). (2020). Grief, Bereavement, and Coping With Loss. https://www.nih.gov/

Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.

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